Just for today

"Nothing is worth more than this day."

- J. W. Goethe

Goethe is one of my favorite writers. Funny, because there is a strange barrier to understanding him.....HE WROTE IN GERMAN and my understanding of German had dwindled over the past few years, But ofcourse there are plenty of translations. He does, however, make the German language sound oh so sweet just as Shakespear makes the english language so melodic.

What he has to say always makes me think. How can the statement above be any more true. Sure, this day may turn out horrible or plainly un-eventful, but at this moment, there is nothing more important. No-one knows if they will see tomorrow and yesterday has already been set...

Every day that I hug and kiss my children and husband is a new experience....could be that I will do it many more times and could be that it is the last. Pregnancy really hits this statement home. Every day is different and just as important as the next or last. Sure I feel tierd, achy, nauseated, bloated and bitchy most of the time, but when I feel my bay kick, see an ultrasound or re-fold his baby clothes, I know how important it is to suffer these aflictions....I really don't mind and I have learned to enjoy the day given to me, because who knows what tomorrow holds? All I have is today and everything else is only a thought.

Prayer.....food for the soul

Last night I experienced fear.......fear that was so intense that I can't remeber I time I felt like that.

I am 15 weeks pregnant. At first, I was upset, uncertain and disappointed. Do I feel guilt about this? YES, I most certainly do! I have 2 beautiful girls and my husband and I do really love children.......so where was the problem? The problem was that we struggle to take care of our current situation financially (and you better believe there is more to the story!). I had truly explored my "options". I realized that there was no option (for me anyway). I knew that I had to have this child.

So now that I had accepted my pregnancy, I moved on to excitement..............and OH the excitement. Looking at baby clothes, cribs, strollers....making decisions about types of bottles and diapers I want to use.....dreaming about holding him (or her) for hours while I rocked, fed and sung to him. Doing tones of research on what stage I am at and what the baby is doing right now and what is next to come. I have even spent much time caressing my belly while I meditated to clear my head. I am now more in love than imaginable.

So then, last night, while having a conversation with my aunt, I realized that this "stomach ache" I was feeling wasn't going away. As I paid more attention to it, I realized that it was my muscles....I was feeling what I could only describe as contractions and cramping. I went to the bathroom and noticed some spotting. Sometimes, this is considered normal, but what really scared me is the fact that my youngest daughter was born pre-maturely and I had been warned that any future pregnancies would be concidered high-risk. Off to the hospital we went!

I was crying, then (like second nature) I prayed. this was the only thing that could make me stop sobbing. What most people don't know is that I rarely cry. I was so scared. My mind wanderd to a soothing place. I went from feeling hollow and confused to comforted and strong. When you read to the end of this, you will get the same tingle that I did this morning when the doctor said it was going to be ok.

One night a man had a dream. He dreamed he was walking along the beach with the LORD.
Across the sky flashed scenes from his life. For each scene he noticed two sets of footprints in the sand: one belonging to him, and the other to the LORD.

When the last scene of his life flashed before him, he looked back at the footprints in the sand.
He noticed that many times along the path of his life there was only one set of footprints.
He also noticed that it happened at the verylowest and saddest times in his life.
This really bothered him and he questioned the LORD about it:

"LORD, you said that once I decided to follow you, you'd walk with me all the way. But I have noticed that during the most troublesome times in my life, there is only one set of footprints. I don't understand why when I needed you most you would leave me.

"The LORD replied:
"My son, my precious child,I love you and I would never leave you.During your times of trial and suffering, when you see only one set of footprints, it was then that I carried you".

So Here We Go Again!!!

Yes......it has happened. Life for us has again taken a turn. In some perspectives you could say a turn for the worst, but I just call it a turn. We again find ourselves struggling on one part-time income and the penuts the government already throws our way.............sounds really bad, but more good has come of it than any. Sure we will struggle....even for a prolonged period, but this has alowed us to come out of our rut and truely explore new possiblities. Possiblilities we wernt willing to explore while we felt "safe". No, we wern't willing to rock the boat nore should we have, but now that it has been rocked for us, we may make best of it. We can take chances, because there is nothing to lose. We can hope and pray, because there really is something to hope for.

I am scared.....I am not sure how we will meet some of our basic needs. I would be a fool not to worry! But I really do have faith that we will make it through....we always do. I am never afraid to take a leap and work hard. Here are some well known words of wisdom:

Everyone who asks receives; he who seeks finds; and to him who knocks, the door will be opened. MT 7:5

God never closes a door without opening a window

I Fear

I fear I have sinned. Sinned against my own heart. I let my love get stagnant. My own selfish needs have come first........nothing is really wrong, but for a while, not much has been right. I hope my husband isn't keeping up with my blog.....I just needed to get this out. I have been feeling lost and out of place with a lot of things in my life. I sometimes feel alone and that I have some void to fill. I am now making a conscious decision to make my life full again. I know that my husband is the key to my wholeness as a woman, lover, mother, friend, and productive member of society. I look back on disagreements etc. and now I think to myself 'is that worth all of the misery I let myself feel?'. Life is for living, so I am going to go home tonight and kiss him and tell him how much he means to me. With him, I am lost.......but lost with him. Without him I find myself..........incomplete.

If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am
only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. If I have the gift of prophecy and
can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move
mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. If I give all I possess to the poor
and surrender my body to the flames, but have not love I gain nothing. Love is
patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It
is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no
record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It
always protects, always trusts, always perseveres. Love never fails. But where
there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be
stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away...And now these things
remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love. --1 Corinthians
13:1-8, 13 .

So I know what I have, and what I do not want to lose.......I think (oddly enough) Freud puts it quite simply,.......

We are never so helplessly unhappy as when we lose love. --Sigmund Freud

Interesting.......I guess in some ways it really hits the spot!

Your Personality Is

Guardian (SJ) You are sensible, down to earth, and goal oriented.Bottom line, you are good at playing by the rules. You tend to be dominant - and you are a natural leader.You are interested in rules and order. Morals are important to you. A hard worker, you give your all at whatever you do.You're very serious, and people often tell you to lighten up. In love, you tend to take things carefully and slowly. At work, you are suited to almost any career - but you excel in leadership positions. With others, you tend to be polite and formal. As far as looks go, you are traditionally attractive. You take good care of yourself. On weekends, you tend to like to do organized activities. In fact, you often organize them!

Three Question Personality Test

http://www.blogthings.com/threequestionpersonalitytest/

the synic in all of us

I always dread to say that I have hit a rut. I know that I will get over it, but why is it so hard for others. It always makes me wonder how it is possible that someone would want to intentionally be in a constant rut and hurt themselves! I (currently) have lost my faith in people....atleast some. I have a lack of desire to jump in and help people....atleast in a close way. What is that saying??Once bitten and twice shy?

So now I sit back, take some ME time and prepare for the next endeavor! I will just have to suck it up and roll with the punches. I have learned that I don't need to try and save everyone. In fact, as history reminds me, a man died on the cross to save us all. We shouldn't need to save others. It just isn't our job.

I will post again when ME has been recharged!!! I see the light at the end of the tunnel!

Faith and Hope
"Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see". HEB 11:1

The Best Boring Day EVER!

Why do people always assume that boring means bad? I am having the best boring day ever!

I love the way life works out. I have been looking for some work for a while now. Full time or part time....doesn't really matter. I have a great way of being able to "make" time to do things.

I applied to SAAN (a clothing and housewares store) and I had an interview which went very well. This was nearly 2 weeks ago. Now, I know the manager (a bit) and I know he drags his feet on hiring. I feel that I am not going to get hired for that job! So now that I have told you about the job I didn't get, or atleast don't know about, let me tell you about the one I did get.

I got a call from my former boss last night asking me if I wanted a job and if I could work Saturday morning at 7am....turns out, she very kindly refered me to someone who was asking if she knew anyone trustworthy and reliable (Thank you for all the help you give me!). I am at work now. I work at our new local Municipal Centre at the Arena Control/Reception booth. I sit here and look pretty. I smile at people and loan out the desk pens and do a key trade with hockey coaches. When someone asks a question, I kindly say "let me find that out for you". And the best part....when I am not busy (which is often) I am allowed to surf the net, chat read a book or just sit here. I tell you, the best boring day ever!!!!

I'ts been a while

For those of you who read my blog regularly (as if!) or for those I have sent here recently, I have something to share with you!

My amazing friend, Alley, asked me to listen to a song. She thought that musically, it wouldn't really be "my thing" but she asked me to entertain her this once. So I did and she was right...it isn't my usual taste in music, but, being the wonderful friend that she is, she knew I would get a kick out of the message. To her surprise, I LOVED IT!

Today I decided to research this band a little more and BOY, do they have a lot to say!

Band Name: Superchic[k]

Song to hear: We Live

Album: Beauty From Pain (tiltle song is amazing too)

here is a little blurb from their website
http://www.superchickonline.com

What We Believe
"What we believe: It is very simple. We believe that every person regardless of age, gender, size or any other reason you can come up with, was created on purpose and for a purpose. Every person has greatness in them and something special and unique to offer the world. The world doesn't stand in our way. Other people don't stand in our way. We are the only thing standing in our way. We are the ones who define who we are by the choices that we make every day and the things that we choose to believe about ourselves and about life. And don't think that you can just remain unseen and not be affecting people because even by not doing anything that affects someone that you could have reached out to. We have a world out there that is a mess and looking for someone or something to give them a reason to live. It is our responsibility to start doing something. Don't limit yourself or the impact that you can have in changing the world. You could be the next Mother Teresa that shows millions love or a janitor that shows one person love. It's not in the big or in the small it's in the doing..."

Thanks Alley!

On their website, you can sample the songs from their new album. Even if they arn't your cup of tea musically, I encorage you to atleast sample the 2 tracks "We Live" and Beauty From Pain". Their message is clear but sometimes invisible to most of us!